dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
