She announced her abortion via fbk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
