I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
