I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
