Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
