I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
