I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
