I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
