I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
