I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
