Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
