You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
