wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
