She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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