I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
