He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
