I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
