chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
