I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
