I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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