my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
