This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
