I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
