If that was your dad, he is hot
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
