I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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