I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
