shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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