her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
