She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
