2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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