People in love make me want to vomit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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