The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
