I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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