Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
