He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
