lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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