Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
