just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
