I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
