Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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