recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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