probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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