My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
