I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
