And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
