happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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