just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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