Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
