My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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