i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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