I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
