he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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