Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
