her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
