i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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