hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
