I heard we made out
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Welp...herpes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
